I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
