He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
