and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
