Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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