It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
