I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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