its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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