In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
