Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
