somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
