Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
