Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
