I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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