I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
