after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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