Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
