I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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