Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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