he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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