so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
