Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
