1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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