the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
