You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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