My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
