I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
