it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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