dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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