your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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