Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
