six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize