i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
