I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
