Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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