I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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