I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
