remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
