I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
