Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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