Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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