Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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