I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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