I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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