i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
