I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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