You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
As shirtless as possible
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
