My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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