I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
