Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
