eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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