i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She bit a glass in half.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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