He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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