Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
