hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
