YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
