he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize