Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
