so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
