You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize