I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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