Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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