I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize