She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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