God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
A+ Viking dick
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize