I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize