Whod you bang
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
