winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
