Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
