they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
