You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
