dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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