You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize