Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
