Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
