im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
