Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
