Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
