my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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