All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
