eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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