i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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