First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So squirting runs in the family.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
