Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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