I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
