lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
