Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
