Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
