you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
