mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
