as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I supernannyed him into submission
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
