i jhust puked up my retainher.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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