Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
