i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
