I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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