ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize