You made me cry and you don't even care
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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