1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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