turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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