So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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