i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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