If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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