their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
