The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
