i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize