ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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