I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
